4 Ways to Spend the Christmas Season Blissfully Alone
Lonely this Christmas? Jessica Boston spoke to Netdoctor about 11 joyful ways to spend the festive season solo. Follow the tips to beat the holiday blues.
For many people, December is an exciting time of year for socialising: exchanging gifts, meeting friends over mulled wine and gathering for a family feast on Christmas Day. But that’s not the case for everyone. According to research carried out by mental health charity Mind, one-third of people are too embarrassed to admit they feel lonely at Christmas and one quarter feel unable to ask for help when struggling emotionally during the festive period.
If you find yourself feeling lonely, ironically, you’re actually not alone. More than nine million Brits ‘often’ or ‘always’ feel lonely, according to the Campaign to End Loneliness. And in a year where social connection has moved online thanks to the coronavirus pandemic, more of us than ever before are likely to feel this way in the run-up to Christmas.
The good news? If you find yourself flying solo this Christmas – whether out of choice or circumstance – or you’re surrounded by people and still feel socially and emotionally disconnected (a different but very valid form of loneliness), there are steps you can take to lessen those feelings and cultivate fulfilment and happiness this festive season.
We spoke to psychotherapist Jessica Boston for their tips for tackling loneliness this Christmas:
Reframe the idea of loneliness
If we can accept that loneliness exists in the mind, there is the possibility that loneliness can be reframed. ‘The first step to working with our mind constructively is to let go of external blame,’ she continues. ‘It is not others imposing loneliness on us – it is our own perception and experience. This shift of perspective and mindset can take time, as loneliness is a complex emotion. And it’s okay to feel sadness and negativity and be overwhelmed by these feelings. Nevertheless, it’s also possible to be open to them – meditation can help.’ Try to reframe the idea of loneliness as neutral rather than negative. These negative connotations are often why it can feel so painful, says Boston – because we associate these feelings with wrongness, failure and being other. ‘We feel have been punished, chastised, judged and left outside the castle walls for our bad behaviour,’ she says. ‘When you realise it’s not who you are – just your circumstance – you won’t fall into the story behind the emotion, and it becomes easier to plan your next steps.’
Make it special but different
If you’re spending Christmas alone, you get to write the rules. Don’t actually like turkey and sprouts? Make a pizza from scratch, slow-cook a curry, or make your own snacks for an indoor picnic. Pop on some new PJs and binge-watch a new box set, or try your hand at a new hobby – like painting – while listening to your favourite podcast. This is a time for redefining what Christmas means to you personally, so take the day for yourself. ‘The greatest way to escape loneliness is to enjoy your own company more,’ says Boston. ‘It starts at home. If you enjoy being with yourself because you like and trust yourself, being lonely becomes enjoyable. Focus on self-care exercises that build these traits in yourself.’
Listen to your inner voice
If you find yourself experiencing a wave of loneliness, let it arise and approach it with interest. ‘Don’t run away from your feelings; sit with them,’ says Boston. ‘Treat them as information, not definition – feelings aren’t facts, they are messages. When you get a feeling of loneliness in your body, be curious as when you might first have experienced it in your life and how it came to be that in certain contexts, this feeling reappears.’
Build new social habits
Don’t let the days trickle by – make a plan. ‘Now that you have listened to your feelings and you are aware that loneliness is part of your emotional spectrum at the moment, what plan can you make to combat it effectively,’ asks Boston. ‘Talking to friends more often? Speaking more honestly about how you are feeling? Taking a walk? Strolling to the shop and buying a coffee? Going to a Christmas market, dropping off a freshly baked loaf of bread at a friend’s house? Little plans make a huge difference. It all adds up.’ Part of this involves seeing the holidays how they really are – rather than the Hallmark version. It’s a myth that everyone else is enjoying a blissful family Christmas. And in fact, while you’re eating, drinking and doing whatever you please, a huge chunk of households across the UK will be rowing over the remote control or seething about who should tidy up the discarded wrapping paper. 68% of Brits expect to row over the Christmas holidays, with 39% citing Christmas Day as the most likely day for a bust-up. According to relationship support service Relate, 68 per cent of Brits expect to row over the Christmas holidays, with 39 per cent citing Christmas Day as the most likely day for a bust-up. So, warm another mince pie and top up your festive tipple. Guaranteed, there are people out there who would choose a quiet Christmas to themselves if only they could.
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