“When you set boundaries, you’re not limiting or withholding your love, you’re actually preserving your energy so you can give more.” In every way.
Boundaries. They sound so unsexy, but your relationship will neither function nor last without them. What’s more, you need them in every area of your life, not just the bedroom.
“Give yourself permission to take a step back and recalibrate,” says Jessica. “You have a responsibility to yourself to know your emotional triggers and tolerances—it’s not always your partner’s responsibility to recognize these, even though we want them to know us as intimately as we know ourselves. Nor can you hold them responsible for the way you feel.”
Know When to Quit
“It’s normal to test boundaries, to be playful and tease someone you’re close to,” says Jessica. “We like to know how much we can get away with, but it’s a red flag if someone keeps trying to violate your boundaries. This can be a sign of controlling behavior, as if they’re trying to wear you down emotionally and assert their power over you.”
If someone repeatedly dismisses your boundaries, then you need to dismiss that person. “Some people want the benefits of a relationship without wanting to put in the work required. They like the idea of taking but give nothing in return. Yet a relationship should ebb and flow with both of you taking it in turns to give and receive.”
This means you not only love and support each other, but you love and support yourself too. “If someone isn’t willing to accept your boundaries, they’re not in it for the long run. Don’t be worried that you’ll scare someone off by stating your needs since anyone you lose by speaking your truth wasn’t yours in the first place.”
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